Juling Paalam

Si Inay po ang matriarch ng aming pamilya.

Ako po bilang isa sa mga unang apo ay nagpapasalamat kay inay, maging sa tatay po na sumakabilang buhay na rin.
Kundi po sa kanila, malamang ay naging boring ang childhood ko.


Wala po dito ngayon ang pinsan ko na si Dennis, kaya't isasama ko na rin sya sa aking throwback na kwento.

Saksi po ang mga taga Barangay Laurel ng Sta Maria Laguna kung gaano kami nag enjoy ng pinsan ko na si Dennis tuwing bakasyon at isinasama kami sa Sta Maria. Naaalala ko pa noon ang tawag sa amin, heredero at heredera, dahil sabi ng tatay, kung hanggang saan daw ang naaabot ng aming mata ay hanggang doon ang lupa namin.
Actually po, ung nakikita namin ay bundok, walang lupa.

Ang mamanahin ko daw ay yung parte ng bato sa may ilog, yung tinatalunan namin.
Kay dennis naman ay yung sa may kunapat.
Mga arrangement na nauuwi sa asaran dahil gusto namin pareho ay ilog, hindi bato.


Nabanggit ko na rin lang po ang aking kabataan sa piling ng Inay sa bundok,
hindi ko malilimutan na alaala na hanggang ngayon ay andito parin sa akin isipan,
ay noong nagkasakit ako sa sta maria.
Halos ilang araw akong nilalagnat, dahil walang doktor,
si Ka Igme, ewan kung may nakakaalala pa s inyo sa kanya, ay siyang palaging tinatawag ni Inay para tapalan ako ng tuba.
Tuwing papainumin ako ng gamot ay may nakahanda ang inay na biniyak na saging, iaabot sa tatay at doon ipapasok sa gitna ng saging ang kaputol ng chloromycetin.
500mg po kase yun, since bata pa daw ako kaya hinahati. 250mg nga naman.
Actually lately ko na lang po nalaman na ang chloromycetin ay ipinaiinom pala sa panabong na manok kapag may sakit,
madami pong texas si Manong sa bundok.
Sa awa naman po ng Diyos, dinala na rin nila ako sa ospital, siguro na realize nilang hindi pala ako manok.


Masaya ang bakasyon namin ni Dennis, lalu na nung dumating si Jeffrey.
Feeling namin ay nawala sa amin ang atensyon ng Inay at ng Tatay, lagi na lang si Jeff.
Pag may tumbong, sa kanya palagi yung mas maliliit at masarap.
Kapag may kamote na nilaga, si Jeff palagi ang ipinagbabalat,
malalaki na daw kami at kaya na namin.
Pero kapag may iuutos, kami ang unang tinatawag, si Jeff ay excuse,
in short may favoritism ang inay.

Bata pa lang wise na si Jeff, para lang isali namin sa laro, sinusuhulan nya kami.
Yung padala ni manong at ni tita rizza na chichirya at mga cookies na para sa kanya ay isi share sa amin ni Dennis, ipaglaro lang sya.


Actually kung uso na noon ang batas about sa child labor, malamang sasabit ang inay.
Kasama ako sa silangan tuwing mangangahoy, pag naulutan pa ay sa kanluran naman pupunta at magbibisita sa kapihan at lansonesan.
Yung kanluran po ay malapit sa bahay ni Aga Mulach, just imagine kung gaano katarik lumusong at umahon.
Ok lang naman na sumama, pero ung may bitbit na 2 niyog kada braso kapag pauwi na,
doon ako suko talaga.


Magaling din po si inay sa kasabihan.
Ang batang masipag, may lugaw sa hapag.

Yun nga lang, bago ako makakain ng lugaw, kailangan munang sumama pa dulong ilaya
mangunguha ng kakaw, sisipsipin ang mga buto, ibibilad ng ilang araw at saka isasangag.
Di pa po dun natatapos ang kalbaryo, ako na nga ang nanguha sa puno,
ako pa rin ang gigiling para maging tsokolate.
Lahat na po ata ng alibi ay nasasabi ko na sa inay kapag nag gigiling kami.
Natatae, naiihi, sinisinok, naiihi ulit at hanggang sa nagtatae ng paulit ulit.
Yung mga pinsan ko na millenials, malamang hindi na inabutan ang pag gigiling sa antic na gilingan ng inay.
Pero worth it naman, may champurado kinaumagahan.


Trademark din ni Inay ang suman at Tamalis.

Tuwing may okasyon, kasa-kasama nya ako sa silangan para mangarit ng dahon ng saging.
Pag minamalasmalas, may sunong pang isang sakong tistis.
Ang reward - matabang suman at Extra large size tamalis.


Lumipas ang mga taon, nadagdagan kaming mga apo.
Nagdalaga at nagbinata kami nina ate weng, dennis at jeff.
Naka graduate na ako sa pangangahoy, pagpunta sa bundok, sa kanluran at sa silangan.
Dumating sa pamilya namin sina Kevin at Rhea, si Karen at si Rina saka si Khim at Renz,
si Nicole, Stacey at Denise.
Si inay naman ay naging Bantay Bata.
Yung mga millenials namin na mga pinsan ang kanyang nakasama naman sa Fairview.


Nag asawa ako, si ate weng at si Dennis.
Ang mga naging anak namin, Inay na rin ang itinawag sa kanya.


Noon pong naging anak ko na sina Renart at Raisa, nalaman ko na may pagka racist din pala ang inay.
Ayaw nya payagan ung anak ng kasambahay namin na makipaglaro sa 2 bata.
Baka daw galisin.
Sensitive si Inay pagdating sa mga apo.


Si Inay din po ang nagpatunay sa akin na totoo pala ang kasabihan na Magdildil ka sa asin.
Yung 2 anak ko po ay asin at tubig lang ang isinasabaw ni inay sa kanin.
Hanggang 6 months po na ganun ang kanilang kinakain, para daw wag maging pihikan.
Di ka nga ba pihikan Renart?

Late bloomer po ang inay, natuto syang mag wacky during her 80's
Natutong humawak ng gadgets at nakikipag agawan sa mga apo.
Last May po na umuwi ako ay kalaban nya pa sa GTA si rain.
Binilhan namin sya ng wheelchair dahil di na daw sya makagala,
Actually mas gusto po talaga nya ay nakahiga at may aircon tapos tatawag ng "Tita, asan ka ga?"
Tama ba khim?


Sya po ang coolest inay namin na kapag sinabi mong Pose ay magtatanong ng
 " Ganari ga?" sabay posing.

Masaya po ang iniwan na alaala ng inay sa akin, sa aming magpipinsan,
maging sa aking mga pamangkin at mga anak.


Salamat inay at nagkita tayo noong new year, nung magpaalam ako sa 'yo ay sinabi ko pa na babalik ako sa marso.
Na dadalhan kita ng bagong alampay mo,puro ka lang tango at sabi ng salamat.
Yun na pala ang last time na maririnig ko ang boses mo.


I know you are at peace now, kasama ka na ng tatay, Nina Grannygoose, Tita Cel, kuya Ruben at ng Daddy.

Salamat sa pagmamahal at pag aaruga mo sa akin, sa amin ng aking mga anak at mga pinsan ko.

You will be in our hearts forever.

Multiple Sclerosis, my Journey

My Multiple Sclerosis journey began when I was working in IT Retails Sales.
Life as a Retail Manager is tough.
I need to take care of my sales quota, the staffs quota and the shop quota.
Everything revolves around Sales, Selling and Profit.


Stress becomes my breakfast, lunch and most of the time, dinner.
Especially when it's month end closing.


November 4 2007, I was admitted at Changi General Hospital due to high fever and seizure.
After 14 days in CGH, I was released by Dr Rajinder Singh,
diagnosis is Meningo Encephalitis.


3 months after my discharge in the hospital, I was back again in CGH due to weight loss and blurred vision.
This time, diagnosis is Post Meningo Encephalitis.


It was around November 2008, a year after my Post Meningo Encephalitis hospitalization, when I felt numbness on my left body.
Shoes and slippers go off from my feet without feeling it. 
I can't pass motion for more than 5 days, even I use suppository.
My weight dropped from 49kilos to 42 kilos.
There is tingling sensation behind my left ear, my left hand and fingers are also numbed.


I thought I had a stroked, so I went to A&E at Changi Hospital.
They just give me vitamins and fiber drink to help my constipation and
asked me to come back on December to see my Neurologist.


It was December 16 2008 when Dr Singh advised me to go Tan Tock Seng Hospital to undergo further observation and test.


Again, I was Hospitalized.


There were many Doctors who come and do the tests.
I can't remember how many needles they have poked to my left and right hands
until they can no longer find better spot for my veins.
Don't know how many times I called them blood suckers
coz they always draw blood from me.
Few times they perform Lumbar Puncture that caused me so much pain at my back.


Numbness never goes off so I requested them to give me steroids.
That is what Changi Hospital give me when I had Meningo Encephalitis.
After few hours of getting a drip with steroids, numbness was gone.


2 days before Christmas, I was released.
I thought everything will be okay.
That I fully recovered well.


March 16, 2009.
I remember clearly the face of Dr Kelvin Tan, sitting in front of his desk while looking at my record and medical result from his desktop,
First, he asked who is with me, is there any family member who accompanied me.
I replied him that I am alone, that I'm going to work after the medical review.
Then he asked me if my family is here in Singapore.
I was wondering, why this doctor asks me questions like this.
So I answered him that I'm living alone here with my friends.


Later on he told me that the diagnosis is clinically definite Multiple Sclerosis.


I was shocked, not because of the news he just told me, but when he said that currently there is no cure for MS.


First question I asked him:
is MS deadly?
How many people dies with MS every year and how many survived?


In my mind, this must be some kind of cancer that can be treated.


When he explained to me what Multiple Sclerosis ism, and discussed how much is the cost of the medicine, that was the time I really broke down.


I didn't cry in front of Dr Tan, I told him that I am okay.
There is no more numbness in my left body.


I want to tell Dr Tan that his diagnosis is wrong.


He said it's ok to get second opinion, but he is sure that the result will be the same.


He recommended me to take Rebif or Copaxone, but I told him I will consider.


I am just an ordinary Overseas Filipino Worker, my pay is just enough for me to send back home to my family for their expenses and left with some amount for me to live here in Singapore.
$2000 a month for the injection is way too much for me.
I have no insurance, after I was diagnosed with Meningo Encephalitis,
no insurance company accept my application.


I told Dr. Kelvin Tan that I will come back again to discuss the medication after 2 weeks,
which I didn't do.


I told my family back home that I have MS.
I don't want them to worry about me so I explained to them that MS is like diabetes.
That I may lose eyesight, unable to walk or worst, become bedridden.
My mother asked me to go back home to see herb doctor, she thinks that my illness can be cured by drinking herbal medicine.


I isolated myself from my friends.
I started reading about Multiple Sclerosis and searching internet about this illness.
After I finished all the Dilantin and other medicines that were given to me from Tan Tock Seng, I didn't visit Dr. Tan at NNI clinic as I promised him.


9 years after diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I have gone 3 stages in Life.


Denial
Acceptance
and Coping up.


I was in denial stage for almost 3 years.
I always tell myself that the diagnosis is wrong, that this is not MS.
But the more I console myself, the more I became scared.
That one day I may end up in a wheelchair, that I may lose grip and can't walk again.
That I will be bedridden.


Depression came to me.


I planned to end my life.


I was so worried that once HR in the company learned about my illness,
they will terminate me.
That if I will not disclose to them, what if I had a relapse at work,
how will I explain everything?
My dad is currently bedridden with his sickness also,
what will happen if I go back home with this illness?
I will be another burden to my family.


I prepared carton boxes to put all my belongings, in case I commit suicide, at least my things are kept and ready to be shipped back to Philippines.
I applied for 10 days leave, I wanted to prepare and settle all the things I will leave behind.


I write my Last Will and Testament so that in case I am gone,
my family knows what to do with my remains and estate.
I submitted a CPF nomination at the Central Provident Fund office to make sure that whatever happens to me, my partner will have the right to collect my CPF from the Government and he will hand it to my children as what is written in my Will.


I was crossing the road going back to my rented flat
when I saw a woman in a wheelchair selling tissue paper.
Despite of her condition, she is trying to make a living.


Suddenly I compare myself to the auntie.


Why do I need to isolate myself to the world?
I am still strong.
Can walk,
can run,
can do things that other MS patients are not able to.
Why am I planning to end my life just because there is no cure yet for MS
Why did I allow myself to fall into Depression.


Why am I such a coward to face the truth and fight my illness?

 

 After crossing the road, I get my phone and started calling my friends and colleagues.
Asked them to join me for lunch and dinner. I spent the remaining 6 days of my leave with friends, going out together, watching movies and go biking at the parks.


In 2013, I managed to accept my condition.
That was the time when I resigned from IT retails Sales and moved to Corporate World.
According to the articles I read in the internet,
stress is the number one factor that triggers MS.
So I say goodbye to sales and say hello to office work.
Less stress, better working environment.


I kept myself busy with other activities.
I volunteer at SG Cares, which helped me see how valuable life is.
I became a member at SIMS Neighborhood Committee at Macpherson Community Center, mingled with old folks and joined their projects. Suddenly I don't want to be alone.
Whenever they asks me why I volunteer despite my condition, I just tell them that I want to live my life as a normal person while I am still able to.


Nothing is worse than getting in bed early to wake up still feeling exhausted and very tired.
Feeling like I don't want to get up from bed, until I get used to it.
Gaining weight becomes normal. Even I go on diet, the weighing scale never stops the number from going up, that even drinking water also make me fat.


Anything unusual happening to me, I just tell myself that it's because of MS.
Everything has to do with MS.


I have truly accepted Multiple Sclerosis as my Life time buddy.
That we will be together, till death we will part.


In 2015, while browsing about Multiple Sclerosis in the internet, I found out that there is a group called MS Care in Singapore. I contacted them via email and soon, they replied and invited me to join their get together and activity.


I am very thankful to MS Care, I met a lot of MS patients like me.
Learned more about how they coping with our illness.
With MS Care, I found a new family who understands what I am going through with Multiple Sclerosis.


Sometimes when I am alone, I tend to feel anxious
because I don't know what will happen next.
Will I be severely disabled like my other MS patients colleague
or thinking when will be my next relapse.


Learning how to live with the unpredictable ups and downs of MS is really a challenge,
especially when no one is around to talk.
Sometimes mood swing is also unpredictable, I often go out and walk.
Go window shopping or just simply going out of the house to see other things to help relax my mind.
I am trying to avoid negative cycle, as much as possible no stress.
Maintaining strong bonds with my family and friends also is a great help to me.


Whenever I feel down, I will remind myself:


I am Lovely and MS is nobody.

 

MS Awareness

Carlton Hotel Singapore

17 June 2017

 

True Love is...

" Merry Christmas ! Kelan ka pa dumating? "

Bungad mo sa akin ng magkita tayo sa may Plaza.

Ewan kung anong petsa ang isinagot ko sa 'yo, tila ba natulala sa 'yong presensya.

Kelan nga ba tayo huling nagkita?

23 years.

Sino ba naman ang basta makakalimot sa tao na unang nagpatibok ng aking puso.

Graduating ka sa High School, 2nd year naman ako ng magkakilala tayo.

Sa pocketbooks ko lang nababasa ang tungkol sa mga lovelife.

Hanggang sa nanligaw ka sa akin at sinagot naman kita.

Isang taon na punung-puno ng pagmamahalan.

Hanggang sa maka graduate ka at ako ay naiwan.

Nung una madalas ka pang sumulat, hanggang sa dumalang,

hanggang sa tuluyan ng nawalan tayo ng komunikasyon.

Huling balita ko, meron ka na daw ibang karelasyon.

Nagkaroon tayo ng sari-sariling buhay.

Nagkaroon ako ng asawa,

Nagkaanak,

Nakipaghiwalay,

Nagpa anulled,

at ngayon ay heto, dalaga ng muli.

"Balita ko single ka na daw?" nakangiti mong tanong.

"ah, oo. 10 years na akong anulled sa ex hubby ko,musta naman ang family mo?" tanong ko sa 'yo.

"ok naman ang mga anak ko, yung nanay eh wag mo ng itanong" sabay tingin mo sa malayo.

" May pinagdadaanan?" tukso ko sa 'yo.

"hehehe, mahabang kwento. Ikaw eh, di mo ako sineryoso" biro man ito sa 'yo, may kirot naman na dala sa dibdib ko

"aba, at ako pa pala may kasalanan ha. Sino ba ang nawala na lang bigla? " sabay tawa ko ng mahina

" 1999 ka nagpakasal, 2009 naman ako,sino ba ang unang nag asawa sa ating dalawa? " balik tanong mo sa akin. 

Hindi ko alam kung gaano tayo katagal nag kwentuhan,

ang natatandaan ko lang ay ilan beses ng dumadaan ang mga naglalako ng pandesal.

Inumaga tayo sa kwentuhan.

Sa balitaan,

na animo'y ayaw mawala ang isa't-isa sa ating harapan.

" Kung tayo siguro ang nagkatuluyan, malamang ang saya ng buhay natin ngayon" sambit mo na may panghihinayang

" Di rin siguro, kase malamang lagi mo ko pinag seselos sa mga may crush sa 'yo" pabiro kong sagot

" Ikaw eh, puro ka selos. Ikaw kaya ang first and true love ko " tila may nagma marathon sa puso ko dahil sa sinabi mo.

" ako rin, ikaw ang firstlove ko " di ko alam kung saan ako humugot ng lakas para masabi ito.

Napakabilis ng mga pangyayari,

kinabig mo ako at hinalikan.

Softly, gently, nakakalula, para akong idinuduyan

Gumanti ako ng halik sa 'yo,

feeling high school lang ang pakiramdam.

Walang balak bumitaw sa ating dalawa.

Inabot ng mahigit 10 minuto ang paglalapat ng ating mga labi.

Nararamdaman ko ang kabog sa 'yong dibdib.

Nakaririndi ang pintig ng aking puso, daig pa ang tinatambol sa lakas.

" i love you " bulong mo sa aking teynga.

Sa loob ng 4 na araw na pananatili ko sa ating bayan,

naramdaman ko muli ang kasiyahan.

Parang nagbalik ako sa nakaraan,

at ang pinaka masakit ay ang muling paglisan.

" hintayin mo ako, susunod ako sa 'yo.Aayusin ko lang ang anullment namin ni Jenny at pakakasalan kita " sabay akap mo sa akin.

Para akong binuhusan ng tubig.

Bakit nga ba nakalimot ako sa ating sitwasyon,

kasal ka pa kay Jenny, may dalawa kayong anak na ang babata pa.

kakayanin ko bang mabuhay kasama ka, habang may dalawang paslit na mawawalan ng ama?

Singapore.

 

No relationship is a waste of time,

If  it didn't bring you what you like,

it taught you what you don't want.

True love is not a happy ending, 

it's a Perfect Beginning.

Takbo

January 2009

"buzz"

"buzz"

"musta ang SG?" bungad mo na mensahe sa akin

"ayos lang, busy as ever parin" matamlay kong sagot sa 'yo.

mahabang patlang. 

walang nagta type sa screen natin pareho.

"mukhang matamlay ah, may issue?" usisa mo sa akin.

"kase naman, lumabas na findings sa akin ng doctor" 

"may sakit ka? 

AIDS? 

hahahha!" sabay may smiley ka pang idinugtong.

"sira, MS lang. Multiple Sclerosis " paliwanag ko sa 'yo.

"OMG ! that's serious you know." 

"Tatakbo ako sa Marathon for you, for your illness, don't worry, i'm just here no matter what" 

Ramdam ko ang sinseridad mo ng gabi na yun.

Magkalayo man tayo, alam ko na tunay na kaibigan ang turing mo sa akin.

Pagkakaibigan na nagsimula sa mIRC, 

humantong sa Alamak chat 

at ngayon nga ay heto, 

nakarating na sa yahoo messenger.

Di man tayo nagkikita ng personal,

ramdam naman natin ang presensya ng isa't-isa.

May common ground nga tayo sabi mo di ba.

Later that year, isang mensahe ang natanggap ko sa Friendster.

"Hi, brother po ako ni Mike, he passed away few days ago here in Canada."

Atake sa puso.

Nabigla talaga ako. 

Sabi mo, tatakbo ka para sa sakit ko, 

yun pala mauuna ka pa mawala kesa sa akin.

Ang daya mo talaga !

December 2016.

Habang nakatayo ako kasama ang ibang kalahok na tatakbo sa Standard Chartered Marathon,

naalala kita. 

Parang kagabi lang nangyari ang usapan natin, na tatakbo ka sa Multiple Sclerosis Society,

na tatakbo ka para sa akin.

Napatingin ako sa langit,

animoy imahe ng lalake ang aking nakita.

Nakangiti. 

Walang problema.

"at kung sakali na mapansin mo 
na may mga mata na tila nakatitig sa bawat hakbang mo,
tumingin ka lang sa langit, malamang ay nakatanaw ako "

Para sa isang kaibigan, salamat !

Ang takbo na ito ay para sa 'yo. Mike Dumlao.

Agila

at nagbunyi ang mga nilalang sa kagubatan

naghihintay sa pag dapo ng Agila 

sa kanyang bagong tahanan

habang ang mga buwitre at leon 

ay walang tigil sa kanilang kinalalagyan

animo'y may malaking himagsikan

dumating na nga ang magpapabago...

abangan ang paglipad ng Agila

sa huling araw ng ikaw 6 na buwan.

#changeiscoming

Let's talk about annulment

There are a lot of questions being asked when it comes to separation and annulment.

excerpt from:  Philippine e-legal forum.

Is “annulment” different from a “declaration of nullity” of marriage?

Yes. In essence, “annulment” applies to a marriage that is considered valid, but there are grounds to nullify it. A “declaration of nullity” of marriage, on the other hand, applies to marriages that are void or invalid from the very beginning. In other words, it was never valid in the first place.
Also, an action for annulment of voidable marriages may prescribe, while an action for declaration of nullity of marriage does not prescribe.
So, if a marriage is void from the very beginning (void ab initio), there’s no need to file anything in court?
For purposes of remarriage, there must be a court order declaring the marriage as null and void. Entering into a subsequent marriage without such court declaration means that: (a) the subsequent marriage is void; and (b) the parties open themselves to a possible charge of bigamy.
What if no marriage certificate could be found?
Justice Sempio-Dy, in the “Handbook of on the Family Code of the Philippines” (p. 26, 1997 reprint), says: “The marriage certificate is not an essential or formal requisite of marriage without which the marriage will be void. An oral marriage is, therefore, valid, and failure of a party to sign the marriage certificate or the omission of the solemnizing officer to send a copy of the marriage certificate to the proper local civil registrar, does not invalidate the marriage. Also the mere fact that no record of marriage can be found, does not invalidate the marriage provided all the requisites for its validity are present.” (Citations omitted)
Can I file a petition (annulment or declaration of absolute nullity of marriage) even if I am in a foreign country?
Yes, the rules recognize and allow the filing of the petition by Filipinos who are overseas.
What are the grounds for annulment?

1. Lack of parental consent in certain cases. If a party is 18 years or over, but below 21, and the marriage was solemnized without the consent of the parents/guardian. However, the marriage is validated if, upon reaching 21, the spouses freely cohabited with the other and both lived together as husband and wife.

2. Insanity. A marriage may be annulled if, at the time of marriage, either party was of unsound mind, unless such party after coming to reason, freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife.

3. Fraud. The consent of either party was obtained by fraud, unless such party afterwards, with full knowledge of the facts constituting the fraud, freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. Fraud includes: (i) non-disclosure of a previous conviction by final judgment of the other party of a crime involving moral turpitude; (ii) concealment by the wife of the fact that at the time of the marriage, she was pregnant by a man other than her husband; (iii) concealment of sexually transmissible disease or STD, regardless of its nature, existing at the time of the marriage; or (iv) concealment of drug addiction, habitual alcoholism or homosexuality or lesbianism existing at the time of the marriage. However, no other misrepresentation or deceit as to character, health, rank, fortune or chastity shall constitute such fraud as will give grounds for action for the annulment of marriage.

4. Force, intimidation or undue influence. If the consent of either party was obtained by any of these means, except in cases wherein the force, intimidation or undue influence having disappeared or ceased, the complaining party thereafter freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife.

5. Impotence. At the time of marriage, either party was physically incapable of consummating the marriage with the other, and such incapacity continues and appears to be incurable. Impotence is different from being infertile.

6. STD. If, at the time of marriage, either party was afflicted with a sexually-transmissible disease found to be serious and appears to be incurable. If the STD is not serious or is curable, it may still constitute fraud (see No. 3 above).

What if a spouse discovers that his/her spouse is a homosexual or is violent, can he/she ask for annulment?

Homosexuality or physical violence, by themselves, are not sufficient to nullify a marriage. At the very least, however, these grounds may be used as basis for legal separation.

How is “legal separation” different from annulment?
The basic difference is this – in legal separation, the spouses are still considered married to each other, and, thus, may not remarry.

Is legal separation faster than annulment?
Not necessarily. The petitioner in a legal separation, just like in an annulment, is still required to prove the allegations contained in the petition. More important is the mandatory 6-month “cooling off” period in legal separation cases. This is not required in annulment or declaration of nullity cases. The court is required to schedule the pre-trial conference not earlier than six (6) months from the filing of the petition. This period is meant to give the spouses an opportunity for reconciliation.

What are the grounds for legal separation?

1. Repeated physical violence or grossly abusive conduct directed against the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner.

2. Physical violence or moral pressure to compel the petitioner to change religious or political affiliation.

3. Attempt of respondent to corrupt or induce the petitioner, a common child, or a child of the petitioner, to engage in prostitution, or connivance in such corruption or inducement.

4. Final judgment sentencing the respondent to imprisonment of more than six years, even if pardoned.

5. Drug addiction or habitual alcoholism of the respondent.

6. Lesbianism or homosexuality of the respondent.

7. Contracting by the respondent of a subsequent bigamous marriage, whether in the Philippines or abroad.

8. Sexual infidelity or perversion.

9. Attempt by the respondent against the life of the petitioner.

10. Abandonment of petitioner by respondent without justifiable cause for more than one year.

The term “child” shall include a child by nature or by adoption.

Should I file a petition for legal separation, can I use my own sexual infidelity as a ground?
It is interesting to note that among the grounds for legal separation, as listed above, only “sexual infidelity or perversion” is not qualified by the phrase “of the respondent” or “by respondent”. This may give the impression that the sexual infidelity of the petitioner, or the one who filed the petition, may be used as a ground in legal separation. We must consider, however, that legal separation is filed by the innocent spouse or the “aggrieved party” against the guilty spouse.

What happens if after learning that your husband (or wife) is unfaithful (No. 8 above), you still co-habitate with him/her?

This may be construed as condonation, which is a defense in actions for legal separation. In addition to condonation, the following are the defenses in legal separation:

1. Consent.
2. Connivance (in the commission of the offense or act constituting the ground for legal separation).
3. Mutual guilt (both parties have given ground for legal separation).
4. Collusion (to obtain decree of legal separation).
5. Prescription (5 years from the occurence of the cause for legal separation).

If you’re separated from your spouse for 4 years, is that a sufficient ground for annulment?
No. De facto separation is not a ground for annulment. However, the absence of 2 or 4 years, depending on the circumstances, may be enough to ask the court for a declaration of presumptive death of the “absent spouse”, in which case the petitioner may again re-marry. See Can someone remarry without going to court due to absence or separation?

What are the grounds for declaration of nullity of marriage?

1. Minority (those contracted by any party below 18 years of age even with the consent of parents or guardians).

2. Lack of authority of solemnizing officer (those solemnized by any person not legally authorized to perform marriages, unless such marriages were contracted with either or both parties believing in good faith that the solemnizing officer had the legal authority to do so).

3. Absence of marriage license (except in certain cases).

4. Bigamous or polygamous marriages (except in cases where the other spouse is declared as presumptively dead).

5. Mistake in identity (those contracted through mistake of one contracting party as to the identity of the other).

6. After securing a judgement of annulment or of asolute nullity of mariage, the parties, before entering into the subsequent marriage, failed to record with the appropriate registry the: (i) partition and distribute the properties of the first marriage; and (ii) delivery of the children’s presumptive legitime.

7. Incestous marriages (between ascendants and descendants of any degree, between brothers and sisters, whether of the full or half blood).

8. Void by reason of public policy. Marriages between (i) collateral blood relatives whether legitimate or illegitimate, up to the fourth civil degree; (ii) step-parents and step-children; (iii) parents-in-law and children-in-law; (iv) adopting parent and the adopted child; (v) surviving spouse of the adopting parent and the adopted child; (vi) surviving spouse of the adopted child and the adopter; (vii) an adopted child and a legitimate child of the adopter; (viii) adopted children of the same adopter; and (ix) parties where one, with the intention to marry the other, killed that other person’s spouse, or his or her own spouse.

9. Psychological Incapacity. Psychological incapacity, which a ground for annulment of marriage, contemplates downright incapacity or inability to take cognizance of and to assume the basic marital obligations; not a mere refusal, neglect or difficulty, much less, ill will, on the part of the errant spouse. Irreconcilable differences, conflicting personalities, emotional immaturity and irresponsibility, physical abuse, habitual alcoholism, sexual infidelity or perversion, and abandonment, by themselves, also do not warrant a finding of psychological incapacity. We already discussed the guidelines and illustrations of psychological incapacity, including a case involving habitual lying, as well as the steps and procedure in filing a petition.

Please note, however, that there are still other grounds to declare a marriage as null and void.

Annulment, how is it?

Please follow the link below for more information about Philippine e-legal forum.

Annulment in the Philippines: Question & Answer

website: .http://jlp-law.com/blog/

365 days of 2016

New year, new Life.

Taun-taon, ganito palagi nababasa at naririnig ko. 

Mga salitang magbabago, mag i-improve, gagawin successful ang buhay, etc.

Minsan tuloy di ko maiwasan tanungin ang aking sarili, kasama ba ako sa kanila? 

Na Hanggang resolution lang, walang execution.

Ilan taon ko na bang sinasabi na mag da diet na ako- until now over weight parin.

Ilan new year na ba ang dumaan na palagi kong sinasabi na magtitipid na ako , pero pagtingin ko sa wallet, empty parin.

Hanggang new year's resolution na nga lang ba ? 

Bukas, 2016 na.

Sisimulan ko na naman magsulat ng Talong daan at animnapu't limang pahina sa aklat ng aking buhay.

Pupunuin ko ito ng masasayang kwento,

lalgyan ko ng mga mabubuting karakter,

aalisin ang mga makakapangit sa mga eksena,

gagawin kong makabuluhan ang aking kwento.

Ang 365 days of 2016 na kwento ng buhay ko.

Christmas ... a decade away from home

it's been a decade since i celebrated christmas at home with my whole family.

am i lonely?

No.

i can't be.

i shouldn't be.

i am here to give a better future for my family back home.

Christmas will pass just like an ordinary day.

...until i'm home again.

To all OFW around the world,

     Merry Christmas !

ps

uuwi rin tayo,

sa tamang panahon.

Paalam Rhealyn

" Paalam,  at kung sa aking pamamaalam 
napansin mong kulang na ng isang pares ang mga matang nakatuon
at tila sumasamba sa 'yo sa bawat minuto ng araw mo,
ibig sabihi'y pinikit ko na ang mga mata ko.

Tumingala ka sa langit...nandun ako...! "


Naaalala ko pa, isa yan sa pinaka paboritong linya mo sa mga tula na sinulat ko.

I may not be a perfect Ate, pero idol mo ko. 

Isa ka sa unang pumupuri kapag may achievements ako.

Kahit alam kong  binobola mo lang ako 

para may pasalubong ka palagi kapag may package na pinadala ako.

Ikaw ang isa sa mga newscaster ko kapag late magbalita si Karen at Kevin saka si Rina.

Isa ka sa pinaka magandang pinsan ko, kase iilan lang naman tayo.

Sa halos isang linggo, ikaw palagi ang laman ng newsfeed ko.

May mga nalungkot sa pagkawala mo, may nabigla, may hindi makapaniwala.

Meron iba na nakikidalamhati, although sa facebook mo lang sila nakilala.

Yung iba nga nakiki condolence lang kase nakita sa status ng mga facebook friends nila.

Ako man ay nagulat, ikaw na ba naman yung busog at kakatapos lang ng lunch tapos

biglang makakabasa ng message sa facebook na nagsasabing wala ka na. 

Na iniwan mo na kami.

Akala ko nga prank message lang, na pang halloween eklat  ba.

Hanggang sa tumawag nga ako at nakumpirma na totoo nga, pumanaw ka na Rhea.

Noong gabing yun, habang nakaharap ako sa laptop at iniisa-isa ang ating mga pictures

hindi ko napigilan ang mapaluha. 

OO na, umaarte din ako paminsan-minsan, 

akala mo naman ikaw lang ang marunong mag moment momentan, 

saan ka ba nagmana, sabi mo nga, sa akin di ba?

Nahalungkat ko tuloy ang aking harddrive para tingnan ang masasaya nating larawan.

"ate, alam mo na ba ang nangyari sa akin? ang loka ko noh? mana sa 'yo, di ba bongga"   

old message mo sa akin sa yahoo messenger yan. 

Nagulat ako, di makapaniwala.

Sa isip ko dalaginding ka pa lang, 

yung dating Rhea na inaasar asar ko sa laro, magkaka baby na.

Pinagalitan kita, pinag sabihan. 

Sinayang mo kase ang ganda mo, hindi mo nagamit sa kabutihan.

At ngayon nga na wala ka na, napagtanto ko na matalino ka naman pala. 

Nagawa mong mabuhay ng masaya at malaya, dun palang kinabog mo na ko loka ka.

Kahit may sakit ka, nakakangiti ka sa camera, 

hindi nahahalata ang pangangapos mo sa paghinga.

Sabi mo  nga, smile as if tomorrow you're dying.

Bakit nga ba kung kelan wala na yung isang tao, 

saka lamang naiisip at nakikita ang kanyang halaga?

Gaya mo, saka lang na appreciate nung iba ang existence mo ngayong wala ka na.

Madaming nanghinayang, madaming nalungkot. 

Actually isa na 'ko dun.

Remember ang plano ko sa ating magpipinsan? 

Na pipilitin ko lahat kayo makapag tour dito.

Na kapag umuwi ako, magsasama-sama tayo ng ilang araw 

para naman makapag bonding ng husto.

Alam ko nasa payapa ka ng lugar. 

Kung saan walang sakit na madarama. 

Puro na lamang saya at ligaya.

You will always be missed, wag ka naman mananakot sa 'min ha. 

Alam mo naman si Karen at Rina, kung maka palakat, makabasag tenga !

We will always guide Rain, wag kang mag-alala, ibu-bully parin namin sya.

Paiiyakin tapos saka papatawanin, 

parang gaya lang nung magkakasama pa tayo last uwi ko na Fiesta.

Noong kasama ka pa namin at lahat tayo ay masayang - masaya...

Nagmahal lang naman ako di ba?

Bakit nga ba kailangang masaktan kapag nagmahal ang isang tao.

2001 ng tumulak ako papuntang Hongkong.

Sabi ko, mag iipon ako, papag aralin ko ang aking dalawang kapatid. Tutubusin ko kay aling Chedeng ang aming sakahan, ipapagamot ko ang sakit ni itay na TB.
magpapagawa ako ng mini store sa harapan ng aming bahay para kay inay.

Mga pangarap na pinlano kong matupad sa loob ng dalawan taon kong kontrata.

Naging maayos ang aking trabaho, mababait ang aking amo.
Dahil nakatapos ako ng education, ipinagkatiwala nila sa akin ang kanilang dalawang anak. Ako ang naging yaya at tutor. Mataas ang aking sweldo, hindi nila ako ginawang katulong, manapa'y kumuha sila ng isang kasambahay. Tumutok ako sa pag aalaga sa dalawang bata para mai maintain ang kanilang pagiging honor students.
Renewal ang kontrata ko, sa akin na halos lumaki ang 2 anak nila.

Hindi masaya ang maging OFW, malungkot lalu na at dumadaan ang kaarawan ng mga mahal mo sa buhay. Naka ilang birthday si nanay at tatay na wala ako sa Pilipinas. Tanging tawag lamang sa telepono na kalimitan ay napuputol putol dahil sa mahina ang signal, saka ko lamang sila nakakausap.

Gaya ng aking pinangarap, natubos ko ang aming sakahan, napapagtapos ko ng kursong nursing at commerce ang dalawa kong kapatid, si nanay ay may maliit ng sari-sari store.
Si tatay naman ay binawian na ng buhay noong ikatlong taon ko sa Hongkong. 

Masasabi kong na achieve ko ang aking mga plano sa buhay.Masaya na ako.

Yun ang akala ko.

"Marie, sya si Alfred, kasamahan ni Bobby sa trabaho. Driver din sa kumpanya nila" pagpapakilala sa akin ni Anna sa isang lalake.
Matipuno ito, mukhang malinis at maporma. Maganda kung manamit.

"Hi Marie, " sabay lahad nito ng kanyang palad upang makipag kamay

"Hello" matipid kong tugon at nakipag kamay ako sa kanya

Masayang kausap si Alfred, mabiro at kabisadong kabisado ang mga nakakatawang jokes.

Lumipas ang aming maghapon na puro tawanan bukod sa ilang beses kaming nakalampas ng mrt station dahil na rin sa pagku kwentuhan.

Doon nagsimulang magkaroon ng kulay ang aking mundo.

Akala ko sa edad kong 38 ay wala na akong makikilala na magpapabago
sa nakagawian kong buhay.

Nanligaw sa akin si Alfred, batid ko na may pamilya sya sa Pilipinas.
May 2 silang anak na babae at sinusuportahan nya ang mga ito.

Driver si Alfred ng vice president ng isang manufacturing company dito sa Hongkong at may 20 taong na syang naninirahan dito. 46 na sya pero mukhang nasa 40 pa lang ang itsura dahil na rin sa pagiging palangiti.

Nahulog ng husto ang loob ko sa kanya. Nagpasya kaming magsama ni Alfred, nag stay out ako sa aking amo na pumayag naman, palibhasa ay malapit ang aming inuupahang apartment sa bahay nila.

Maganda ang samahan namin dalawa, mabibilang ko sa daliri ang panahon kung kailan kami ay nagkaroon ng alitan or tampuhan. Palibhasa mga matured na, hindi na namin hinahayaan na lumawig pa ang away. Inshort, di kami natutulog na magkagalit.
Inaayos agad namin dalawa.

2013.

Isang tawag sa telepono ang gumimbal sa akin. Si Bobby, nauutal na nagbalitang nasa ospital si Alfred, inatake daw sa puso. Nagulat ako, wala naman syang sakit,
sa may halos dalawang taon namin na pagsasama, hindi ko man lang nalaman na may dinaramdam pala sya. Abot langit ang aking dasal habang papunta ako sa Kwai Chung Hospital kung saan sya isinugod.

Laki ng pasasalamat ko at hindi grabe ang kanyang naging pinsala, although tumabingi ng konti ang kanyang labi at hindi pa makapag salita. Ipinaalam ko sa aking amo na mayroon akong emergency at kailangan kong mag leave ng may 5 araw. Pinayagan naman ako palibhasa ay malapit na rin ang bakasyon ng mga bata.

Ikatlong araw sa ospital, nang dumating mula sa Pilipinas ang kanyang pamilya.

Si Alicia, ang kanyang asawa at dalawang anak na babae. 

Hindi ako nakakibo, mistulang kandila ako na itinirik sa isang sulok
upang magsilbing ilaw sa dilim.

Umiiyak si Alicia, maging ang dalawa nilang anak. Parang dinudurog ang aking puso nang makita ko ang pag agos ng luha sa mga mata ni Alfred.

Alam ko, kalabisan na ang aking presensya sa loob ng silid na iyon.

Walang lingon likod na kinuha ko ang aking bag at tuloy-tuloy akong lumabas ng kwarto.

Sa may pasilyo, hindi ko na napigilang pamaupo at humagulhol ng iyak.

Masakit palang makita na ang tao na minahal mo at nakasama ng may dalawang taon ay lumuluha sa harapan ng kanyang tunay na pamilya.
Masakit, daig ko pa ang binabayo ng maso ang dibdib.

Makaraan ang ilang minuto, ay tumayo ako, nais kong lumabas ng ospital at maglakad sa kung saan ako kayang dalhin ng aking mga paa.

"Marie !" isang sigaw ang nagpalingon sa akin.
Si Alicia, papalapit sa aking kinatatayuan.

"Kilala na kita, minsan ka ng nai-kwento sa 'kin ni pareng Ariel."  kasamahan ni Alfred sa trabaho.

"maari ba tayong mag-usap sandali?" malamya nyang pagyaya sa akin sa may sofa sa waiting area.

"siguro naman alam mo na may pamilyang tao si Alfred, kung anuman namamagitan sa inyo, ayoko ng alamin pa dahil obvious naman na kerida ka. Kabit."
dere-deretso nyang pagsasalita.

"andito kami ng mga anak namin para dalawin at iuwi na si Alfred, kami ang kanyang pamilya, siguro naman ay naiintindihan mo ang sinasabi ko, matagal tagal na rin nagloloko si Alfred, bago ka pa nya nakilala may naging ka live-in na rin sya. Ilang buwan lang at naghiwalay sila. Tapos ayan, ikaw naman ang ipinalit" malumanay ang kanyang pagsasalita pero daig pa nito ang punyal na tumatarak sa aking dibdib.

"sana eto na ang huling pagkikita natin dalawa, dalaga ka pa, sana maghanap ka ng binata, yung walang sabit at walang pamilya!"
sabay nito ay tumayo sya at pumasok na muli sa silid kung saan naroon si Alfred.

Di agad ako nakatayo mula sa sofa, bumalong ang luha sa aking mga mata.
Ano ba ang ginawa ko,NAGMAHAL LANG NAMAN ako di ba?
Nagbigay lang naman ako ng buong pagkatao  sa lalake na inakala kong
mamahalin din ako habang buhay.

Napatigil ako.

Paano ko nga ba sasabihin na mamahalin ako ni Alfred habambuhay gayong una pa lamang ay alam ko ng may pamilya sya. Nalunod ako sa kahibangan namin, inakala ko na magiging akin si Alfred dahil kami ang magkasama sa araw-araw.
Hindi ko naisip na di nga pala kami legal na mag asawa.

Dinampot ko ang aking bag, umuwi ako sa aming inuupahan na apartment
at nag ayos ng gamit ni Alfred.
Masakit pero eto ang tama at dapat kong gawin.

Kinaumagahan, bitbit ko ang mga gamit ni Alfred papunta sa ospital.
Naroon sa loob ng kwarto ang dalawa nyang anak.
Mga dalaga na sila,  accountant sa BPI bank ang panganay at sa call center naman nagta trabaho ang bunso.
Hindi nila ako binastos, tinanong pa nga ako kung gusto ko ng kape.

Sila na rin ang kusang nagpaalam at lumabas ng kwarto upang mapapagsolo kami ni Alfred.

Tumabi ako  at naupo sa kanyang hinihigan upang kausapin sya kahit alam ko na hindi nya ako masasagot dahil sa aparato na nakakabit sa kanya.

"Fred, sensya ka na ha. Di ko akalain na hahantong sa ganito nag lahat, Mahal na mahal kita kaya gagawin ko ito. Alam ko at ramdam ko na minahal mo ako, sa loob ng dalawang taon natin na pagsasama, ipinadama mo sa akin ang pagmamahal na kelanman ay di ko naranasan."
muling tumulo ang luha sa kanyang mga mata habang hawak ko sya sa kaliwang palad.

"salamat, salamat sa lahat ng pagmamahal. Kailangan na natin gumising sa katotohanan,
sa fairytale lamang may happy ending ang mga relasyon na gaya ng sa atin.
Mahal ka ng pamilya mo, kailangan ka na nilang makasama, bago pa maging huli sa inyo ang lahat."
humahagulhol na ako sa iyak.
Di ko alam kung saan ko hinuhugot ang lakas ng loob habang nagpapaalam kay Alfred.

Tumayo ako at humalik sa kanyang noo.

"Goodbye for now Alfred, till we meet again. Mahal na mahal kita" at muli, isang halik sa noo at mariing halik sa kanyang kaliwang palad bago ako tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto.

Nginig ang aking mga tuhod, hindi sa lamig ng aircon, kundi sa sakit ng aking nadarama.

At habang binabaybay ko ang papunta sa bahay ng aking amo para sabihin na pwede na ulit ako mag stay-in sa kanila, napagtanto ko, lumuwag ang aking dibdib.
Parang nabunutan ako ng tinik. Parang umuulit-ulit pa sa aking utak na
sa fairytale lang may happy ending ang relasyon namin ni Alfred.

Tama lamang na lumayo na ako sa kanya, para na rin mabuo ng tuluyan ang kanyang pamilya.

Nasabi ko na lang sa aking sarili, Nagmahal lang naman ako ah.