Nov 1, 2020

friend or Lover?

I'm not an early morning person specially weekends, and it's drizzling some more.
But I don't know where did I get my energy today to go out and jog.
You know my schedule, I do my run at night at Kembangan track or going to East Coast side.
But today is different, I think it's because I told Wyd last night that I will do my run in the morning.

hey wait, when did I learn to let other person affect my mood?

I messaged him at 6:05am, and I never get a response until 9:27am.
I feel like a child waiting for my playmate to wake up so that we can play.
" Thought about you all night " this is his message that made my heart beat fast.
You know the feeling when someone ask you for a dance, this is what I feel right now.

I kept looking at the time, it's lunch already, but he is not yet sending any message.
3:00pm no message.
4:00pm still message.
How many times I off and on my phone, making sure it's not faulty.
Maybe he is just busy, he said he will do some report.
But it's been halfday already, still no update from him.
Why am I acting like a teenager waiting for my crush to send a message?

" Hi, did I take so long"
Oh gosh! finally a message from him.
It's 5:40pm but seems like waiting for ages.
I'm getting fond of him already, too early to tell that I am falling.

He send a short clip while doing his night walk.
He's cute, but what I like from him most is the way he message me.
There's a connection that I can't explain.
Something like I am so at ease with him, 
that feeling where you can open up to him everything about my life.

" I think I'm falling for you more and more"  I told him while we're texting 
" Maybe I should pick you up from falling...lol " he replied
and we continued exchanging text messages until 11:30pm.

11:36:47 PM, message from Wyd:
" don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel so alive. I don’t know what it is about you that makes me look forward to each new day. I don’t know what it is about you that makes me grin like an idiot all the time. I’m so confused and puzzled. But at the same time, I’m not complaining because I haven’t felt this happy in such a long time.
All I want is to be the reason that you fall asleep each night with your phone held in your hand."

And my world collapsed !
I think I am really falling in love.


Dating App

"Hey Girl, how is it. Have you checked your Tinder?"
That's my friend Tina asking, she's so keen to let me explore the dating site and check if I can find someone interesting.  We're still under lockdown due to Covid19 pandemic, everyone is working from home and to ease the boredom, she suggested to go dating sites.
She met her husband Tony through Tinder Dating App.

As I explore Tinder, one particular profile captured my attention.
"WYD" unique name, his picture is cute.
It's my first time in the App and out of curiosity, I swiped Right.

Less than an hour, I received a notification. 
I and Wyd were Matched!
It started with a simple Hi and Hello.
A typical getting to know you and exchange of questions.
I found a new way to entertain myself by chatting with  Wyd.

I asked him if it's possible we move to another platform, WhatsApp.
To be honest, I don't trust any Dating App, I read a lot of feedback that most of the people inside Dating Apps were fake account and some of them just wanted to scam people, but since i'm bored, I give it a try.
Nothing can be scammed from me anyway.

If last time I hate to hear my phone alerts, now I kept looking and checking if there's a new message.
It's like finding a new hobby in the midst of the pandemic.
I don't know what is it with him that made me forget my boundaries.
And keep waiting or his messages.

I just hope that everything goes well with this Wyd.

Feb 13, 2020

Let Go


"mama, dadaanan daw kami ni papa ngayon dito sa bahay" umaalingawngaw sa tenga na boses ng anak kong babae.
" Uy ate, magpaganda ka na habang may time pa " pagbibiro ni Karen.
"Hala ate, inhale ng malalim, para maitago ang fat tummy!" pang aasar ni Jhep.

Masaya ang umaga na ito dahil Bagong Taon at andito halos lahat ng mga pinsan ko.
Naririto rin ang aking kapatid kasama ang kanyang mga anak at apo.
Mahigit 5 years din kaming di nagkita na magkapatid mula ng magtrabaho sya sa Israel.

"weh, si ate nagba blush! Muling ibalik daw ang pag-ibig!" isa pa itong si Kevin, nagtatawanan tuloy ang lahat.

16 years, ganito na pala katagal na hindi tayo nagkikita.

Sa loob ng mga panahon na iyon, mabibilang sa daliri kung ilan beses tayo nagkausap.
Kalimitan ay palitan lamang ng email patuungkol  sa custody ng mga bata.

Na grant ang anullment natin eksakto pa na birthday ko noong 2006.
Hindi nagtagal at nagpakasal ka sa babae na dahilan kung bakit hindi na tayo nagkasundo.

Hanggang sa nagkaroon kayo ng mga anak, tulad natin,
isang babae at isang lalake rin ang naging anak nyo.

Hanggang ngayon nga ay hindi pa sila magkakakilala,
hayaan na natin sa ang mga anak natin ang magpasya
kung kalian nila gustong makilala ang kanilang mga kapatid sa ikalawa mong pamilya.

"Ma, andyan na si Papa" napatigil ako sa pagmumuni-muni.

Lumabas ako sa may grahe kung saan nagkakasiyahan ang aking mga pinsan.
Nakaparada ang pick-up na dala mo para sunduin ang mga bata.

At doon nga ay nasilayan kita, hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakapag salita.

"Baba ka muna, pasok ka muna sa bahay" alok ko sa 'yo
"Di na, dito na lang" sagot mo naman
"Kelan ka dumating?" tanong ko sa 'yo
"Nung 19" tipid na sagot mo

Di ko alam kung nahihiya ka ba or nag-aalangan, hindi ka talaga bumaba ng iyong sasakyan.

Lumabas ang ate ko at kinumusta ka.
Mas matagal pa nga ang naging kwentuhan nyo kesa pag uusap natin dalawa.

Buti pa nga si ate kinumusta mo, samantalang ako hindi.

Ewan ko kung ako lang ba nakapansin, pero ang laki na ng ipinagbago mo.
Mas umedad ka na, halata na ang buhay mo ngayon ay ibang-iba noong tayo pang dalawa.

Sabagay, ako man ay nagbago rin, mataba na ako ngayon,
hindi kagaya dati na kung ilarawan mo ay Dyosa na super sexy.

Gusto kitang kausapin, maka-kwentuhan.

Tanungin kung ano na ngayon ang buhay mo,

Gusto kong maging kaswal sa harapan mo,

Hindi ko alam kung pareho ba tayo na hindi makatingin ng derecho sa isa’t-isa
O ako lang ba ang nag-iilusyon at nakakapansin ng kung anu-anong kakaiba.

Bigla ko tuloy naalala yung kanta na
“ I remember the boy, but I don’t remember the feelings anymore”

Madami na nga ang nagbago,
Wala na ang kilig.
Wala na ang excitement.
Pero bakit meron akong nararamdaman na kirot?

Naglakbay muli ang aking diwa,
Napapaisip kung ano kaya tayo ngayon kung hindi tayo naghiwalay.

“ Na miss mo ba sya?! “ nagulat ako bigla kay Rina.
“ Di ah, napansin ko lang ang pangit na pala nya!” sabay sarado ko sa gate .

Tama na ang emote,
May bago na syang pamilya,
Move on na.

Pero paano ba ang mag move on kung hanggang ngayon ay hindi ako maka Let Go?

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~♥~`~`~`♥~`~`~`♥~`♥~`♥~`♥~`~`~`♥~`~`~`♥~

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